A in real life friend who also reads this blog *Waves* asked if I shouldn’t just post the upbeat crossfit stuff.
I totally understand where she’s coming from. We like to read stories where someone makes a commitment or sets a goal and gradually gets closer and closer till they nail it.
Which sometimes happens, but not always. More often then not I would guess it’s not that simple. The trip from where we are to where we want to be isn’t always linear. There are bumps in the road, detours even dead ends. The key to success isn’t a smooth road it’s being able to find a new route when needed.
So I’m recording this experience as honestly as I can. During this year there will be struggles but I will do my best to surmount them.
Forgive the down posts, they aren’t the story just bumps in the road.
I am in so much pain right now it’s just ridiculous. Every single joint is on fire, I don’t mean uncomfortable I mean I could weep pain. I know it will pass and in that way I’m lucky, some people are in chronic pain all the time. But when I’m in pain, exhausted and every little thing is struggle. Everything I would normally enjoy becomes a hellish task to simply endure until I can once again lie down. It becomes hard to not be despondent. This could last another week, two weeks, the longest a flare latest was 4 months. During that time I had no choice but to continue teaching, looking after the kids etc with every responsibility punctuated by bed rest. I plastered make up to disguise the look of exhaustion on and grinned broadly and didn’t mention being ill or in pain to anyone outside the house. The reality is people don’t actually want to know, they especially don’t want to know a yoga teacher can have a chronic illness. Even if that illness has no doubt made them a better teacher. I can’t imagine how immobile I would be with this going on if I didn’t practice yoga. Yes I practice when ill but gently, when well I amp it up. Either way it benefits me.
My immune system is not quite right, the doctors never really found out what is wrong or if it actually has a name. But they agree it’s not quite right. Across my life I’ve had spontaneous anaphylaxis which was never traced to a source, multiple bouts of hives, my rheumatoid factor is very high but markers for thungs like lupus aren’t there.
Then there is the recovering from illness problem. See the problem with my immune system doesn’t seem to be under activity. Quite the opposite. So a cold like this last one makes me very ill, very ludicrously ill. Mostly it’s my own immune system that makes me ill and not the actual cold. If you imagine an army seeing a lone invader on a stretch of its farm land and sending the entire army including missiles leaving utter desolation in their wake. Then looking really proud they killed the invader. That’s my immune system that is. So the infection is most likely gone but I’m now in a state of systemic pain, every joint hurts. Really hurts. Nothing I can do but wait for the inflammation to go.