Category Archives: children

Books books and more books

Pretty much all my time aside from essential things like work and making sure the kids don’t starve to death is spent revising currently. My GDL law exams are in under two weeks, my application for an LLM in Commercial Law is in, I just need to pass these darn exams.

Of course I did make it to the gym a little day, would be unthinkable otherwise. It stops me from seizing up through sitting too long. It wasn’t a major workout just 30 mins Ashtanga yoga followed by a barbell hang power clean, power clean, front squat and upright row complex x 8. Enough to feel like I moved today.

Charlotte made it into school yesterday morning but was too worn out today. She will be in for the morning tomorrow. It will take a while I think to build her back up.

Back again 

I haven’t posted in months, the Cowden syndrome diagnosis in my daughter  was such a shock I didn’t have words. Ive kept up crossfit though throughout all of this, pretty consistently really. 

Anyway progress numbers, since I started blogging in August 

Back Squat was 30kg now 65kg 1rm

Deadlift was 30kg now 77kg 1rm

Strict press was 20kg now 30kg 1rm

So definite progress, I have torn the meniscus in right knee which is problematic and I’m focusing a lot on yoga to help with it. 

Study wise I’m almost at the end of my graduate law diploma, my exams are the end of May so a huge amount of my time is focused on that. 

My daughter is still recovering from everything she’s been through, it was such a lot for someone so young. She is very unwell, exhausted, anxious and catches every bug going. I wish I could do something to help her. 

Cowden syndrome 

My daughters genetic results came back and she has cowden syndrome.  I’m devastated for her, I just don’t have words for it.

I’ve still been getting to the gym. Its just about the only time I don’t feel like crying. I’m so glad I have a programme so I can be there on my own and not have to communicate with people, that stupid “how are you?” “oh I’m good” because no one actually wants to know that my heart hurts so fucking much I could physically throw up. 

The actual programme is 3 days with the option of a 4th

Day one :-Strict press 

                    upright row

                    triceps dips

                    bicep curls 

Day two:- deadlifts 

                     front squats

                     walking lunges

                     air squats

Day three :- back squat

                        stiff leg deadlift

                         hanging knee raises

                         plank 4 x for up to 90 sec

Day four :- same as day one but push press

Today was day two, the early part of the week was appointments. It was the right thing to go today, to physically move but God I wish I had the equipment at home, I just can’t face other humans when I feel like my heart is breaking 

Crossfit and university 

I missed three weeks of crossfit when I went back to uni,  the kids all caught back to school virus, I had a number of classes and one to one’s to teach. Then my dad ended up in hospital and throw university on top everything went pear shaped. University itself is going well and I got back to the box this week, one session last week and three this week. My PT is writing me a programme so I can go when suits me, they have many classes including early morning and mid morning ones but on my own week days I have too much child responsibly. Thankfully where there is a will there is a way and my own programme will work great. Truthfully with the Pten gene thing going on with my daughter I don’t really want to be in a group of people, all that “how are you?” followed by a polite “I’m fine”or” good and you”. I’m not fine, my heart physically hurts, but we don’t talk about stuff like that in group settings. So for a little while drawing in works for me.

Today in songs

I think in songs, I always have done. These are the three going round my mind today :-

Andy Black – We don’t have to dance.

It’s the “this is hell literal hell” line that’s stuck in my mind

Twenty one pilots – Stressed out

“wish I could turn back time to the good old days”

Yup I would give anything to have her back to a carefree tot without all these awful worries

Don’t Give Up – Peter Gabriel & Kate Bush

Because we can’t give up

All three pretty much stuck on a loop today.

I’m heartbroken 

My daughters PTEN test came back positive “you will be interested to know that we have identified an abnormality in the Pten gene in (daughters) sample. Interestingly, it would appear that this abnormality is only present in a proportion of her cells and this may mean it is less likely it is relevant to other members of the family” 

“interesting”? “interestingly”

Strange choice of words.

As she has already had thyroid cancer and has the Pten abnormality I’m guessing this means cowden syndrome. As Pten is a tumour suppressant gene it certainly means a greater risk of cancer throughout her life.

We have an appointment in a couple of weeks that came with the letter to discuss it. 

Goals

I love and hate goals. I constantly have short term goals and long term goals running. Hitting a target feels amazing, of course the flipside is that missing a target can be really defeating.

At the moment my goals are two fold. 

1) Get really fit through crossfit by attending Real Fitness 4 x a week, 3 minimum.

2) Finish my Graduate diploma in law, I’ve had to delay this year a few times when my daughter has been very ill.

Of course on top of this are the normal day to day necessities, looking after the house, kids and their various needs from clubs, homework to simply having mummy time. Helping my parents when they need it. Maintaining a yoga practice,  keep up with teaching my classes and deliver good solid lessons.

Not much then 😂

My weekly targets are easy to pull from the above. Of course the family, work list is every week. On top of that it’s the 4 crossfit sessions a week and completing that weeks study on time and thoroughly.

I nearly had a bit of a meltdown over that this week as by Friday I was behind and shattered.  Thankfully today I caught up with study and yesterday I hit my 4 th crossfit session.

Study to be honest was way easier than crossfit, “equity and trusts? Heck course I understand that, some weird clean, squat over head press, squat, over head press combo? Arrrgghh”

Pretty much crossfit was a bit of a wash out. I still don’t feel like I’m getting fitter. I probably am but I don’t feel it. I do enjoy the doing though so I will keep chipping away and see where I get.